Rumination: Fatigue is the Worst.

Please Indulge Me, as I am going to Moan for a While.


Am I getting too Old for all This?

As you'll be aware, I get frustrated and miserable every time I have to drop days from my walking schedule, for my good mental health frequently depends on the ability to get out onto the trail and let the stresses of my mind, and our world, take a back seat as I exercise the limbs, work off the calories and oxygenate the blood as I pound out a trail around another part of West Yorkshire that I haven't seen before. Unfavourable changes in the weather are frustrating, but ultimately forgivable as the seasons in the North Country are rarely predictably consistent (or consistently predictable), and even then cold spells like the unseasonal Arctic blast we've just had coming on over the last two weekends can easily be walked around, and an unseasonal Barbeque Spring like we'd had in preceding weeks can be a source of great joy as we move out of the dark season. However, the other reason to stop is always fatigue and fatigue is just the worst, it's not just feeling tired or lacking the will to force yourself out of a comfortable bed, it's a deep and soul destroying feeling that makes you unable to focus on doing much of anything at all, it knocks you out and your body and brain just have to be left to their own devices, hopefully tuning themselves back into some feeling of normality within usually hours but sometimes days.

This is not my revelation of having a medically diagnosed condition, mind you, I have friend who suffers with ME and their problems are far deeper than mine, as my issue merely comes with the realisation again that I have been trying to spread myself too thin and pushed myself to the edge of breaking point over the last month or so, and acknowledging that fact has come at exactly the right time. Readers of my rambling about ambling will probably have been aware that I haven't been in the best of conditions or spirits over the last few weeks, as for the first time in more than 5 years of walking, I have been having issues with my limbs, having not strained a muscle or had a painful blister in over 2,600 miles on the trail. I tweaked something in the back of my left knee whilst on the railway trail between Low Moor and Shipley, and thus spent the next couple of weeks going on one leg, having difficulty putting my weight on it or pushing off on it, aided by a knee support bandage and an almost constant diet of painkillers. This might have not been a problem if I did a job that involved me sitting down all day, but having a mobile and physical role at the hospital meant there was no physical respite to be had, and thus I was more or less compelled to exercise my pain away, and there were periods where it felt like the process of kill or cure might easily have gone the wrong way. Thankfully, the pain has died down a lot since, my knee now feeling about 75% normal again, as I go without support or medicine, but it's been alarming reminder that my body isn't getting younger and I'm not going to be in a good place in the event of a serious physical ailment. The other issue has come from the heavy chest cold that hit me over the Easter weekend, causing one day off from the trail but ignored so I might get out on the Monday, which turned out to be a terrible idea as four heavy symptomatic followed, which I tried to work through half of as I've already had too many days off from work in the past year with minor, but aggravating, ailments.

The fatigue that came on after this bout has been pretty harsh, and having experienced a post viral fatigue before, being unwell for more days than I was symptomatic, means that I know just how hard it can be to crack, as all three walking days since have featured sub par timings, and every day of work in between has been one of almost unrelenting toil. Matters are not aided by being in a particularly tough spot in my working life either, coming up against a wok backlog for multiples of months with little headway being made, and thus after five solid days of effort, the energy levels have dropped to where they are now, running on a modestly flat battery and with little energy to apply myself to anything, leaving me at an impasse. Clearly the Work - Life balance has not been well measured, with far too much work filling the weekdays, and total reluctance to stay off the trail coming at the weekends, and thus we find ourselves here, having to take time out and not go over to My Sister's for a long weekend as I feel utterly spent, and hating the fact that I've had to cancel on her as we get together far too infrequently as it is. So refocus the mind and body, hoping that work might soon shift into a more managed routine, and looking forward to some time off to get away from it all and to enjoy a new trail in the fresh part of the world, as my attempt on the Nidderdale Way will either make my walking season, or break me completely. Indeed, after all this moaning, for which I hope you've been able to indulge me, I'm going to allow myself to feel hopeful, as the last time I felt like this so early in a season, back in 2013, I went on to a week off where I walked on five of seven and got in the top half of the Dales Way and a pair of Wainwrights. So onwards, anticipating that we have just hit a temporary dip in my energy levels, and a short but sticky rut in my working and walking form, and dismissing the idea that I'm not as young as I used to be, and that my body is starting to rebel against me, the next ten days NIW will hopefully illustrate exactly where I am.

Next Up: Spring Jollies, and seven days to do four legs of the Nidderdale Way.